Ringside Etiquette: Parent Version!
I’ve been going to riding lessons and horse shows as a parent since my daughter, now a professional hunt seat equitation instructor/trainer/coach, was in the fourth grade. I really wish someone would have clued me in early on as to what was and what wasn’t appropriate parent behavior at ringside. I had to learn the hard way trying, pretty unsuccessfully, to drag my husband (the adoring father of our daughter) along. Most of it is common sense, but then again that means different things to different people. So here is my cut on the subject learned over 35+ years.
Be there! While it isn’t always possible, it is always important. Even at lessons you can learn a lot by just observing. And the support you provide, while not always appreciated by teen riders, will be remembered, as long as you stay in that support role and don’t get between your rider and the instructor/trainer/coach.
Develop a good relationship with the instructor/trainer/coach. They are not all alike and prefer different things at different times. You do pay them so, in the absence of your rider, ask them your questions about progress, about showing, about what they think is helpful and what is not. Giving them permission to answer honestly is helpful to them and to your rider as well as to you.
Develop good relationships with other parents. When you help to cultivate a positive barn and show atmosphere, the fun is almost unlimited. Lessons, and especially show days, are long (and here my husband would have added boring). For parents who aren’t especially into horses, those parent relationships can be vital. If you are lucky enough to be in a “barn family” where riders are supported by one another and all the parents, you are lucky indeed. Don’t miss out on the fun and the mutual support that good relationships provide to you and especially to your rider.
Wait for the right time to talk to your rider. Learning to stand back, especially during a lesson or when the instructor/trainer/coach is preparing or debriefing your rider at a show, calls for patience and holding your tongue. It is not even the time to say good job! I’ve been sneered at more than once before I learned the art of waiting. Your intentions are good but waiting at least until lessons or divisions are completed (and even longer depending on the sensitivity of your rider) is definitely best. Even if you know what you are observing, which many of us don’t, let your instructor/trainer/coach handle the corrections and accolades, and take your cue from them. I’ve gotten lots of “Oh Mother” sighs for saying what a good job was done when what I thought was a great ride was not seen in that light by my daughter. As their experience and yours grows, you will know what to say and when, but use caution while learning!
Learn the role of the groom. Since most of us don’t hire an actual groom, learning the support you can provide in this role is something you can do. Learning to wipe boots, paint hooves, brush the horse or pony, and remove and hold onto that martingale is easy enough and brings you close without interfering. To this day, my daughter loves it when I clean her boots, hold her horse or any of those grooming actions at ringside.**
Food and drink are important and are things you can provide. Packing your rider’s favorite nutritious meals, drinks, and snacks is a great way to support your rider. When packing isn’t practical, purchasing and delivering the same thing ringside at the right time is truly appreciated. Timing is everything though. The show day is long and there will be a right time. Ask but don’t pester.
**More on this later. Look for another blog on the particulars and equipment needed to fulfill this role.